When your partner doesn't want another baby, but you do

When your partner doesn't want another baby, but you do

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One of the most important things a couple should talk about before walking down the aisle, or before making a long-term commitment, is the topic of children. Do they want kids? A big family? A smaller one? How long should they wait to start a family?

My husband and I knew we wanted at least two children when we got married, but we weren't overly concerned with setting an exact amount. While he was more convinced two was the perfect number, I flip-flopped in the two-to-three kid range. "Meh, we'll call it as we go," we thought.

Well, now we have two kids. A boy and a girl – the "perfect" family, as described by many well-meaning strangers.

But you know what? I kind of want another baby. Maybe not any time soon – but I'm not ready to rule out more kids when I'm only in my mid-20s. (Theoretically, I have another decade of baby-making years left in me, right?) Yet, my desire for an eventual third child is typically met with my husband crushing my hopes and dreams with, "Yeah, I don't really want any more kids." It's like a dagger straight through the heart.

One of his most frequent arguments is that we don't have another bedroom for an extra kid. My rebuttal is always that there is nothing wrong with kids sharing a room. (Hello, bunk beds! My sister and I shared a room at one point.) It's totally doable. "But there's not enough room in our cars for three car seats," he says. OK, I'll give him that. Partially. His small SUV could swing three cars seats. But my tiny car probably couldn't.

Having our second-born kid deal with "middle child syndrome" is another concern of his. You know, the part where the middle child is forgotten/less loved/picked on/always blamed, etc.? My husband and I are both the oldest kids in our families, so I don't know how well either of us can speak on the topic. But I'm going to go ahead and deem this another lame excuse.

"Kids are expensive," he reminds me. Very true. Kids are so not cheap. But we are frugal. We buy kids' clothes secondhand. We don't go overboard with birthdays and holidays. We coupon. I think if it came down to it, we could make it work.

I have to admit that on bad days, having another kid seems ludicrous. When I'm so mentally exhausted because my son has been looking me in the eye all day long and doing the exact thing I told him not to do? Done.

When my daughter decides to have an hour-long 2 a.m. party...and then another at 4 a.m.? Yep, not doing this again.

When they're both constantly going in different directions and I can't seem to make either one happy, or manage to get anything done around the house? Two and through, all the way.

But then there are days when my son delights in making his baby sister laugh. When they play so well together, that I can't help but picture another one right there with them. When my baby greets me in the morning with her huge two-toothed smile. Or when my son randomly tells me, "You're the best mommy in the whole wide world. I love you sooo much!" And, of course, on days when my Facebook feed is filled with glowing, pregnant friends and newborn babies, my ovaries are basically trembling with anticipation.

Sigh. What's a mama to do?

Obviously, this is something we'll have to think about and work out ourselves. A baby is a big deal. I can't exactly force it.

Featured photo by Michelle Stein

Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.

Watch the video: HE DOESNT WANT ANOTHER BABY (December 2022).

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